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"Without Wearing Pants" (Sparks parody.)

So I was sorting through some of my archives on Facebook and I stumbled upon this parody of “Without Using Hands”, that I wrote maybe a year ago. I still think it’s brilliant. I’m too lazy to go looking up the original lyrics, but here are my parody lyrics. Enjoy them.

"Without Wearing Pants"

His closet space had nearly doubled
during his latest purge;
under his breath he mumbled
that trousers were worse
than losing a lass to his brother,
who was always more perverse -
Oh, no more! His master plan
would surely make heads turn.

Whether or not he could tease them
with all his fancy words.

And finally Mr. Ron Mael
will play tonight
without wearing pants!

In rehearsal he simply smiled
in light of what was to be,
imagining the crowd aghast
with compelling imagery;
when he missed a note
Russ blundered in dismayed distress,
shouting, “Ron, you must be pretty stoked!
You’re acting daft but I digress!”

He had much faith in his brother,
but was wondering these days.

Ron imagined bowing to a standing ovation
without wearing pants.

Oh, and he’d feel so pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty!
Oh, and he’d feel so pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty!
Oh, and he’d feel so pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty!
Oh, and he’d feel so pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty!

Oh, and the cheering would grow!
Oh, and the cheering would grow!
And he’d finish the show!
Without wearing pants.

When he stepped on stage
nonchalantly he then took his seat;
the audience was split between
applause, whistling, and screams;
expressionless, he then waited
for the band to kick things off.
Russ spoke but Ron anticipated
the moment he would scoff.

Regardless Ron’s going to do the entire show,
without wearing pants.

Without wearing pants,
without wearing pants … (etc., etc.)

Every time I see some kid wearing their pants at their knees, I’m like “pull up your pants and walk a little fucking faster, homeboy”.
retrogasm:

Cow pants…
desuko:

frenchtwist:

via rrrick:::i12bent

Paul Gauguin (Paris, 1895)


“It’s…”

Pantsless Concerto in D-Minor.
This line.
bonobos:

Here comes Panta Claus.  
puncturesparksboom:

a belt?

What Russell needs is no pants someone to hold them up for him.